so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
