This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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