My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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