does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
