drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
