You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
