everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
