In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
