Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
