i wish there were pregnant emoticons
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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