I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
