I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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