Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
