some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
