After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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