She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
