I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
