Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
