I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
