I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
