I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
