woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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