Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's always time for handjobs
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
