u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
