the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The ass gains better be worth it
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