what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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