i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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