I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
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Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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