How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
