omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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