omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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