i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
