You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
