man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My bed smells like the plague
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
