Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
