woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
