The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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