Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
