I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
