Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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