I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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