the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
