i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
