I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
