he puts the penis in happiness.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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