i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
