I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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