You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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