Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
