You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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