You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
