Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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