i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
