Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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