honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
