ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
