dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
