You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
