Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
