I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
