I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
