I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize