dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
