I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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