FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
