I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
