Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
