ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize