I have demons in me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
