I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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