Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
