Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
