He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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