you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
