he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
