I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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