How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
