Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
