my phone needs a breathalizer
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
