I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
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what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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