I'm so fucking centered right now
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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