boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
