wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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