dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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