you traded sex for a burrito?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
