I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
how does that bad decision feel?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
