I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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