I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
