So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
