Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
